Why dressing up for date night matters.- Couple Counseling.Co

The first time you laid eyes on your potential spouse you were attracted on some level.  Most of the time that level depends on what you see.  For example, if a woman was wearing house slippers, baggy jeans, and her dad’s shirt the level of attractiveness would probably be low.  On the contrary, if a man was wearing skinny jeans (that were too skinny), his high school football jersey, and ten year old converse, that wouldn’t be so attractive either.

Ok, so lets assume you did see someone like that and they begged you for a date and by God’s grace you gave in and gave them a chance. Then comes the first date and bang they blow it out the water!  The woman is wearing heels that give her that extra lift on the backside, a dress that every woman envies, perfectly smooth legs, with a French manicure to top it off.  In other words attractive!  The man on his first date is wearing a collared shirt with jeans that fit him nicely, along with boots and a fresh haircut.

Why do couples get fresh and clean on the first date, but when the ring is on the finger everything ceases?  The reason I believe that it ceases is because perspectives change because it is assumed that the work is done.  I’ve got my ring, I’m done!  Or, that girl that I believed was so far out of my league at the beginning I succeed in getting, now I can relax.  Allow me to flash the maintenance required light in your marriage.  Look, your car still has to run even after you are done making the payments.  You still have to put oil, gas, windshield fluid, brake fluid, etc. in it for it to continue to go somewhere.  In other words, your marriage doesn’t stop needing maintenance because you feel you paid your dues before you were married.  It still needs maintenance.  That same type of maintenance you gave your relationship prior to marriage is the same type it needs after the rings go on and more.  You can avoid maintaining it, but as with a car, it will eventually break down.

Dressing up while going on a date implies to your spouse that what you are doing is of importance.  If you were going to a dinner with the President of the U.S. and his wife how would you dress?  Would you give them your worst or would it be the best you could give?  You know that the dinner with them would be of high importance and a once in a lifetime thing.  Now if this type of importance was stressed in a marriage that it’s a ONCE in a lifetime thing, just maybe we wouldn’t currently have second, third, and fourth marriages.

If you are a couple that has kids and reading this, you know how important a date alone can be.  Churches, ceremonies, jobs, and job interviews are some of the things that get your best, so why can’t your spouse see that side of you.  How backwards is it for a wife to go to work everyday with her hair flowing, makeup, banging dress, and heels and then goes on a date with her husband with her hair wrapped, no makeup, baggy jeans, and flats?  I understand she may come home tired of wearing that stuff, but remember the maintenance light continues to stay lit.

Reginald Jordan, LMSW is a therapist with Wales Counseling Center, PLLC in Arlington Texas

2 Responses to Why dressing up for date night matters.- Couple Counseling.Co

  1. shannon Stewart June 18, 2013 at 10:27 pm

    This is some really good information! I remember my mother always telling me to keep myself together not just outside of home, but also in the home, when I go out with my family, and especially when I go out with my wife. The author is really on point. We have to keep trying to impress and date our spouses. We aren’t just going to hang out. We are reminding them that they mean just as much to us now, if not more, as they did we we were trying to make them our husband/wife.

  2. Ainsworth June 20, 2013 at 1:28 am

    Nice article. Great suggestion. I usually like to be confortable and wear jeans or something, but I may start dressing up. When we find the time to go on a date that is.


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