Should I keep my Exes as my friends on Facebook now that I am married? By Reginald Jordan

Listen, with the way marriages are failing now, those that are still married need to take every precaution there is.  Ok picture this, you live on the coast and there is a massive storm that is going to head in and they say it could be one of the biggest ever. What would you do?  Would you stand in the street with you spouse and kids hoping that nothing happens?  Would you go in your home and sit at the window looking out?  Or would you possibly board up the windows, prepare the generator, etc.?  I hope the last one!  Some of us do take our spouse and kids in the street and expose them to any and everything there is with no thought just hoping nothing happens. They figure there is no need to prepare because the storm may veer off or if it hits it will not hit that hard.  In this scenario, everyone gets hurt and badly.  Others are willing to put some precautions in place, but stand close enough or even watch the storm and get hurt.  Then you have those that don’t care if the storm will hit or not, they are not taking any chances and they prepare.  So many people have heard of this thing called divorce that is taking marriages by storm, but what do they do.  Well I can tell you people are hurting daily from Hurricane Divorce because they didn’t set the right boundaries.

Believe it or not, Facebook is more than just seeing someone online. By having an ex as a friend on Facebook you are actually apart of their life.  That is why people are skipping high school reunions because they know what people are up to via Facebook. Ok I get it, if you used to date someone and you guys had a long relationship they may cross your mind.  Having them as a friend on Facebook is completely different because you actually get to explore what your mind has been wondering.  And OOOH that is dangerous ground!  You can check to see if they are married, if they have kids, how their kids look, who they are married to, what foods they like to eat, what type of work they do, if their spouse looks better than you.  You are able to look at where they vacationed last month and compare it to the vacation that your spouse took you on.  Also, if your spouse doesn’t know that you have an ex on Facebook guess what, it is still wrong.  I think everyone has heard of the saying, what they don’t know won’t hurt.  Obviously, you don’t know how damaging this can be and trust me when it comes to light it’s gonna hurt.  And for the record I’m not just talking about exes here.  Old sex partners, old make out buddies, and just about anyone else that you have had physical intimate relations with should be excluded.  If you oppose, tell your spouse exactly what you did with them and see if they will be cool with it. No biggie right?  Facebook’s theme is for you to stay connected, but some of us don’t know when to pull the plug.  As long as there is a connection between you and your ex the potential for danger still lives.

And if you think that it can’t happen to you, BEWARE.  What makes you exempt?  Absolutely nothing.  I don’t care if you have the most trusting spouse or you are the most trustworthy spouse you still set boundaries. I have heard many people saying that their spouse trust them not to do anything.  I understand, but this is not a matter of trust it is a matter of wisdom.  So many of us are attempting to move forward in a life with our spouse, but looking in the rear view mirror at our exes. Ask yourself what is the reason that I would leave the door of my past open?  Was it better back there?  Is there something that I miss? What is the reason that I want to be not just apart of their Facebook page, but ultimately their life?

Reginald Jordan, LMSW

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