Until Unhappiness Do Us Part.


More couples than ever are now divorcing due to being unhappy.  In a society of Happy Meals, Happy Feet, and happily ever afters we are being tailored to prioritize the happy marriage.  Everyone wants to be happy and there is nothing wrong with happiness, but somewhere somehow our society has moved happiness to the number one spot in the list of marital priorities.  It has become so easy for couples to stand in the church and use God’s words of until death do us part and then one year, eight years, or even twenty five years down the line say unhappiness has done us part, I’m through.  What is it about this happiness thing that it carries so much weight and power that it even has the ability to make some override God’s words?

First, I would like to say that God is not stupid.  There is a reason that he made the until death do you part command.  He knew that people were going to jack this marriage thing up and some would be unhappy and the only way out was when someone in the marriage died.  He even commanded us not to murder just in case someone wanted to create a death in their marriage just to be single again.  Because he created the until death do you part and he knows people would experience unhappiness that means that happiness could not be the number one reason for marriage or else His words could have simply said until unhappiness do you part.

Forty years ago a divorce was almost taboo and in the midst of their unhappiness people would fight for what they had together and looked at other qualities of a person that made them happy.  Now the focus has shifted to couples looking so much at the things that make them unhappy in the marriage until they are sick of one another and they want out.  The same problems that existed back when divorces were low are the same problems that exist now and the only thing that has changed is the perspectives of those that are getting married.  No one wants to fight anymore.  We would rather call it quits in an unhappy marriage to start all over again in an attempt to find the “right” person than to fight for the spouse we have right now that God told us to die with. We pay tens of thousands of dollars to have a wedding that everyone else can enjoy, but can’t pay a couple hundred bucks to fix our marriage for us to enjoy.  The perspectives have changed.

Am I saying that you shouldn’t be happy in your marriage? Absolutely not!  I’m just saying that happiness shouldn’t be the sole purpose of your marriage.  There is a bigger picture other than our happiness and it seems as if a few decades ago our society understood this a lot better.  So as encouragement fight for your marriage because the temporary unhappiness that you feel now could mean a lifetime of happiness for your children.

Reginald Jordan, LCSW


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